We all know at least one person who tries to sabotage us when we’re trying to make changes to our life. When it comes to losing weight it’s that ‘friend’ who makes you feel guilty for ordering something healthy and passing on pudding.
The thing is – on some level your success is threatening to them, and it makes them behave like idiots, rather than supporting you like a good friend should. But this has an awful effect on you if you don’t realise what’s going on. It makes you feel like you might be rejected, shunned from the village and sent to Coventry to live a lonely life.
Your subconscious mind will protect you from this happening, because in years gone by being shunned from the crowd meant you would likely die. That old instinct stuff is still in our heads, and has a lot of power if we don’t see it and change our behaviour accordingly – to fit with today’s world.
So rather than risk that you hold yourself back, you sabotage your own success, and you go along with other people to fit in.
A lot of this may be happening under the surface, both for you and your ‘friend’. For you it might just be feeling a niggling unease, and if you don’t explore what that’s about you do the easiest thing – fit in and it goes away. But by doing that you don’t lose your weight.
This is not about looking at your ‘friend’ and placing any blame on them for sabotaging you, it’s about becoming aware of what’s going on and taking personal responsibility. You can’t change anyone else, but you can change yourself.
To make changes with your health and weight you’ve got to take responsibility for how this kind of stuff from other people makes you feel, because they probably aren’t going to change, and they may not even be aware of what they’re doing, as much of this kind of stuff is unconscious behaviour.
If you feel like blaming them for trying to pull the rug from under your feet and find yourself saying things like “they are holding me back” – turn that around and take responsibility. Say something like “I am holding myself back”, which is empowering because you can change you, but you can’t change your friend.
Drop me a line if you’ve noticed this happening to you, how has it made you feel?
Have a great week.
PS Getting clear about what you want can help protect you against this kind of subtle sabotage, are you really clear about what you want for yourself?